What It's Like to Be S.A.D.

Not sad, but S.A.D., one of the frustrated millions that suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder. This is meant to be a positive, informative post, so wipe the frown off your face. We all have our quirks. 

In the past people were just chalked up to being "shy" or "different." Not anymore. Like many social ailments these days, science and medicine are recognizing and giving extreme shyness a name. 

WebMD reports S.A.D. as being the third most common mental disorder for the average Joe. Or Jane. Symptoms include a fear or nervousness of people (even people they know), places (even everyday places) and new things in the realm of social interaction. From experience, I can tell you that it feels like this:

Upset stomach…those fluttering butterflies!

Stomach (ulcer) pain and cramps

Sweaty palms

Pounding heart

Shortness of breath

A blank mind

Irrational feelings of being watched, judged, criticized, disliked, ignored, or invisible

Someone could be suffering from severe social anxiety, and you may never know it -- unless you follow them home and watch them take their antacids and curl up exhausted into bed. 

It is bewildering to feel these feelings, especially when you know they have no basis or make any sense. Nonetheless, it makes no difference when it's time for a social call, party, or a shift at work. Sometimes just walking into a room, even a room full of people you know, is enough to make the heart pound. And to be singled-out? People with S.A.D. have no desire to be the center of attention. Even if it's well-meant. Karaoke? No way. 

Suffering from anxiety in social situations can also lead to depression, and obviously the two impairments go hand in hand. For me, I can actually remember the onset of S.A.D. in my life. It arrived in junior high, along with puberty, mean girls, and everything else life throws at you at thirteen. I was a relatively happy child, if not quiet, but by the time high school loomed a few months away, I suddenly couldn't walk down a hall or into a classroom without almost fainting from inexplicable fear. My friends didn't understand me, and I didn't understand them. We "changed." Or rather, I couldn't deal with the pressure of simply socializing with anyone else. These effects led to a lifelong habit of avoiding people, social situations, and trying new things. 

S.A.D. sucks. 

There is medication and also counseling to help those with severe S.A.D. function socially and stress-free. But it never truly goes away. There have been ups and downs: I've tried new things and learned to be patient developing relationships, but I've also spent spells crying in a bathroom stall at church, school, a restaurant, or a concert for no reason whatsoever other than there were too many people around. The best way I have learned to deal with this monster is to fake it until I make it and to confide in those I care about not to give up on me. 

I've been very fortunate in the last few years of my life. My best friend of almost two decades did not give up on me when I quit answering the phone. She has always been there and tolerates my anxiety with good humor. (In other words, she loves to embarrass me.) My family is also very understanding and puts up with Mom's weird issues. 

In other areas, I took up a new hobby that initially scared the heck out of me, but I continue to progress in the sport. I pursued a lifelong dream to become a novelist. And, after the eighteenth or nineteenth move in my marriage, I was able to reach out to folks in my neighborhood and community and make a friend or two. (You know who you are, and I love ya).  

And I have conquered Karaoke…in small doses.

So, the next time you see someone dash in and dash out without a word, or sit quietly and stare into space, it may not be that you're not interesting, they just may have S.A.D. Say hello and give them some room. Later on, if you give yourself a chance to get to know them, you'll find a loyal and true friend (who you must never sing "Happy Birthday" to in public).

~Danielle Thorne

You can find out more about S.A.D. here:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-anxiety-disorder/DS00595

Take a SAD test and evaluate your anxiety levels. http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/liebowitz/

Feta: The Big Cheese

…at least in my house. It's time for another post on Favorites. Why a Fav post on Feta? Because this is a blog about balancing life and eating cheddar every day of your life is B-O-R-I-N-G. Worse, if you're still choking down American cheese singles wrapped in plastic sleeves, it's time to stop. Live a little.

About a year or so ago, I had a marvelous Greek salad at one of our favorite pizza joints and realized I really liked this white crumbly stuff. Thus, my obsession with Feta began. 

Feta originated in Greece and was made from sheep and goat milk. Feta means "slice." It is higher in salt content than most cheeses because it is cured in a brine solution. Today it is made from pasteurized cow milk. 

Slowly, as Feta invaded all my salads, it crept into the omelets, too. Because it seems to absorb whatever deliciousness you toss it with, it works with just about anything. Try some on a Hawaiian pizza with ham and pineapple. Toss some with fresh spinach leaves and your favorite dried fruit and vinaigrette. 

Besides the processed cheese of our childhood, we can now get sliced anything for our sandwiches -- from Provolone to Gouda. Go for it. And check out my favorite recipe for Greek Salad below. 

Greek Salad

½ head of Iceberg lettuce; chopped

1 small head of Romaine lettuce; chopped

½ cucumber; diced

2 Roma tomatoes; diced

¼ cup of Greek Kalamata black olives; chopped

3 green onions; diced, or ¼ chopped red onion

½ cup of Feta cheese; crumbled

½ lemon; squeezed

Optional: Pickled banana pepper rings

Toss all ingredients. Squeeze lemon juice over salad. Salt and pepper to taste. Mix with a quality Greek dressing. Banana peppers can be served on the side.

Staying On the Roof

Please welcome guest author Heather Cashman, sharing her thoughts on balance and life. I haven't been  touched by such thoughtful observations and ideas in quite sometime. Enjoy!

The word “balance” makes me think of many things. I think of teeter-totters where, because I was five feet tall in kindergarten, three other classmates could pile on the other side to even out my weight. On the occasions where it was only my cousin, I had to use my legs to push her up and down with little benefit for me, but I made it work. Another childhood memory of incredible balance was the Weeble-Wobble. No matter how hard I punched, kicked, laid on, or even dropped it on its head, the thing always righted itself. It was marvelous and frustrating at the same time.

As a writer, I often feel like the Weeble-Wobble. Fists and kicks and drops from marketing, publicity, family requirements, social networking, blogs, church, humanitarian service, eating, and the endless list of demands (never in any order) continue to knock me sideways. 

The question is: How do I keep getting back up? Or better still: How do I choreograph the fight? While I admit I’ve never stayed down for long, I also acknowledge that I rarely rebound as quickly as that Weeble-Wobble would.

This concept of balancing my life made me think of other characters that never seemed to lose their balance. Those in the beloved musical, Fiddler on the Roof. Teyve, the protagonist, begins his story by explaining:

“In our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof, trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn’t easy. You may ask, why do we stay up here if it’s so dangerous? We stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word—tradition!”

For the people of Anatevka, their physical homes were a representation of the real meaning of home: the things that you love, that ground you, that give you sanity, and that you might even die for. 

I have many homes. One home is my family, regardless of the location, size, or value of our current house. Another is writing; when I am in a world I’ve created with characters I know almost better than myself, I am home—even if I am in an auto shop typing on my laptop while I wait for the car to be serviced. I also attend a church where I feel at home with the people I worship with. I also consider my country a home and feel a deep sense of belonging when I contemplate the founding fathers, those who serve to maintain our freedom and my rights as a citizen.

Finding our homes, or what matters most to us, is essential in finding balance. The main source of regret in life is looking back and realizing you’ve spent your time doing something worthless or perhaps even destructive. Soul-searching is required. Honest self-assessment will be the only thing that can aid in deciphering what matters to you, what your homes are.

This discovery process is also in a constant state of change. Our priorities will shift. An example of this is when I first began to write. I was a clean-freak. I would never sacrifice a clean home for five hundred words. At that time in my life, a clean house was required for me to feel at home. Slowly, as I began to write more, I eventually thought about publishing. Only then did I consider the fact that a clean house meant more to me than publishing a novel. If I wanted to write full-time, I would have to sacrifice the priority of a perfectly clean house for writing.

My children are still a priority that takes precedence over writing because they are more important to me. So we must also prioritize these homes, like our year-round home and a vacation home. Some may seem like a mansion that take hours to maintain while others are a cottage in the woods that take only minutes. That’s not to say that the small things in life are not as important. Sometimes taking the vacation is essential to one’s sanity. Only you can judge what is wanted, important, or essential for your own perfectly balanced world.

Like the teeter-totter of my youth, there are times where you have enough people to help you balance, but there will be times where you end up doing most of the work to compensate for the deficit. In those more difficult times, try to watch the face of the person across from you on the teeter-totter. Find joy in the service you render and realize that can be a home, too.

Once we find the things in our life that matter most, we must form traditions centered on them. By traditions, I mean things that make us feel grounded, that make us feel at home. If one of your priorities in life is your physical health, then your traditions might be as simple as brushing your teeth every morning and night or exercising every day. If family is a priority, your traditions might include having dinner together or having turkey on Thanksgiving. For some people, having balance means going to church every week. For others it may be a day spent in nature.

In our busy lives of certain uncertainty, we must find places of normalcy and meaning that will offer a foundation of refuge and renewal. Just as the teeter-totter and Weeble-Wobble need hard ground to stay upright, we must have that sure footing so that as we juggle the curve-balls of life, we don’t have to worry about watching our steps. They will come naturally.

~Heather Cashman, Author of PERCEPTION

Your perception will sharpen once you see through a tiger’s eyes.

More than five hundred years after the apocalypse, the survivors of off-grid genetic experimentation have refined their mixed DNA to the point that humans and their animal counterparts share physical and mental links. Varying species have divided into districts, living in a tenuous peace under the President of Calem.

Ardana and her tiger ingenium Rijan leave their life of exile and abuse in the Outskirts, setting out with their twin brothers to redeem themselves and become citizens of the Center. But shedding their past isn’t as easy as they had hoped. When the system that shunned them becomes embroiled in political conflict and treachery, their unique abilities and experiences from the Outskirts make them invaluable to every faction. The runaways become pawns to friends as well as enemies, and with every step it becomes more difficult to tell which is which.

Author Bio:

Heather Cashman graduated from the University of Arizona with a Bachelor’s degree in Biochemistry but has always loved to write, winning her first contest in the second grade. Married since 1992, she has three unique children and has moved from Arizona to New York to Kansas. She loves to kayak and canoe down the windiest rivers she can find. She welcomes opportunities to visit schools, libraries, and book groups in person or via Skype. Born in Tucson, Arizona, Heather currently lives near Wichita, Kansas with her husband and three children.

Amazon Author Page

August Giveaway Winner

Congratulations to Becca, August's randomly generated comment winner of the $10 Amazon gift card and an ebook copy of Regency period romance, JOSETTE. I'll be in touch soon!

Join me next month for more fun stuff, and tomorrow check out Heather Cashman, a visiting author who shares her input on balancing life and writing.

~Danielle Thorne

Click here to link to more Blog Giveaways!

It's time for another giveaway! Summer has turned the corner in the South, so that means pool time and reading lists are getting shorter.




How about a $10 gift card for Amazon.com to pick up a book or some pool toys? I'll also throw in an ebook copy of my Jane Austen-inspired regency, JOSETTE.

TO ENTER: 

1) Follow this blog by registering on the left-hand sidebar. You can sign up via email or follow through Google.

2) Leave a comment for this post sharing what you've been reading this summer! Entries must include a contact email address.

Good Luck!

Would you like to learn more about my books? Visit my official author website at www.daniellethorne.com!